I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
