I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
