the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize