i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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