Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think my moral compass just broke
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