Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
