if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize