he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I would fuck him just for his dog
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize