dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
