You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
