Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
