I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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