How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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