what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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