I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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