Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
