I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
