Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
