hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
