Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
