if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
