i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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