We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
