does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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