So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
