I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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