you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
