the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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