Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize