Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
