I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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