How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
