ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
