haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
