On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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