So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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