Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
