i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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