If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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