Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
