We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
