Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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