i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I know sheโs pissed I fucked her husband, but I didnโt know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize