Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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