chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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