I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
