There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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