absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
