yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
