So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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