ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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