God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
