Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
