i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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