I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
