Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
