weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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