I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
