her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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