I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
