I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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