theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
