So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
