ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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