you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
