now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
