We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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