so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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