I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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