haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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