so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
