I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
