You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
